Dog Carpenter For Hire

Don't get me wrong. I love having a dog. Indy is fantastically cute and cuddly and surprisingly well behaved for a 9 month old puppy. A puppy that weighs 72 POUNDS!!!

See how cute!? "Hey!", he says.















In return for the food we give him and the shelter we provide, Indy has decided to repay us by modifying our dining room table. I think he wants it more oval shaped. "I don't see the problem...looks better to me...", he says.





I had hoped he would give up after the one corner. Turns out, no. He's a dedicated little fucker. Takes pride in his work. Sigh.




Who wants to have a dinner party at my house!?!? Better yet...who wants to dogsit????

Why I need to get some pajamas...

I'm having one of those days. Just one of those days where you can't see the forest from the trees no matter how hard you try. I tweaked my neck something fierce a couple weeks ago and promptly got a deep tissue massage that seemed to start the healing process. Then yesterday as I was reaching under the bed to retrieve a tennis ball that Indy had lost I felt the entire right side of my neck seize into the worst charlie horse EVER. I'm really not exaggerating. WORST. EVER. I couldn't even make a sound until 30 seconds later when the cramp had gone from mind numbing to just a confusing amount of pain. I've been stretching it and massaging it and popping Advil like it's Pez ( I can't even EAT Pez...okay. WHITE Pez). The point is nothing seems to help and now I've got some chronic headaches and a hunchback, but I'll be just FINE!

Then I walk out to my car to drive home for lunch and find a nice envelope on my windshield. Placed there by the kind folks at Parking Enforment. It seems I am PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of parking legally. I just CANNOT remember that one side of the street has street cleaning on Thursdays while the OTHER SIDE is Fridays. I was oblivious. Completely blindsided. I. am. so. stupid. I am really kicking myself. This has not been a good year for me as far as "the law" and "my car" go. I think I just found my new years resolution: spend less money by not breaking the law. And REMEMBER STREET CLEANING DAYS. I think this calls for a post-it. Or maybe my company should spring for some employee parking.

I get home (it's still only 1:30pm) and am greeted by a completely random bill from a doctor who I haven't seen in MONTHS for over $100 from a "prior balance". No date. No explanation. Just complete bullshit. This correlates lovely with the random bill from an unknown clinic trying to charge me almost $200 for unspecified tests from JANUARY. I'm still waiting for them to send me the itemized breakdown of THOSE charges.

It's just one of those days where all I want to do is put on my PJs, curl up in a little ball and SLEEP. Sleep until I can wake up and not have to sit on hold with insurance companies and doctor's offices and deal with real life and money and bills and work and figuring out what to make for dinner. There comes a point when it's all just so exhausting. I don't think I like being an adult. I actually DREAD getting the mail. It's never anything fun like a card....or money. It's always bills. Whether it's legitimate bills or unexplained crap that I have to fight. It all sucks. The postman (Thomas) is not my friend. He's also terrified of Indy. The cliché amuses me.

I have resorted to eating what might be the strangest and most disgusting food that I've become temporarily addicted to. Dried Lychees. They smell foul, look like something I might have to pick up with plastic bag and taste somewhere between sour and bitter. I can't stop eating them. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency. I need to stop blogging in 3....2.....

Peak Inside My Brain...Welcome!

A few weeks ago Chris was working late on a Friday night and I had just come down with a cold. I was logging some quality couch hours pondering the larger questions in life while watching back to back episodes of "What Not To Wear" and chugging Airborne when Chris finally came home around 11:30pm. As he plopped down on the couch I turned to him and said "So I've been thinking about something serious...".

Let's take a break in my story for a moment to discuss how if you ever want to see true panic in your boyfriend's eyes and all the color drain from your his face all you have to do is turn to him and say "I've been thinking about something serious...".

Anyway...so what I'd been thinking about is something I still find myself pondering. If we were ever attacked by zombies or vampires...would I be one of the ones that survive? At this point you're probably scoffing and shaking your head, but I'M SERIOUS!! If our town was under attack and zombies were trying to break down the door would I be one of the people that movie watchers would see and know "she's toast" or would I be the bad ass chick with a sawed off shotgun blasting the heads off plague infested zombie killers! It's an important question. It also depends entirely on whether we're talking about slow Shaun of the Dead zombies or if we're talking about smart, fast and crazy zombies like in 28 Days Later. (And yes I'm aware that some people don't consider those to be zombies, but rather ordinary people who had been "infected". I call them zombies. My blog.) I'm thinking more along the lines of fast zombie monsters although if caught in a crowd of slow zombies I'm not sure what my strategy would be since I'm entirely aware that pretending to be one of them does diddly squat. I could go on and on. It also makes me wonder whether I would be able to outsmart a crazed killer who had pinpointed me as a target. Would I find a way to trap him and escape or would I be the one running upstairs to my impending demise.


So many questions.

I also burned my tongue this morning as I got a little overzealous with my tea. I subsequently spilled said tea all over my keyboard. Welcome to my life.