Thursday, December 17, 2009

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilates speaking

Have you noticed that I've been, shall we say, absent lately? If you were to see me in person you would have noticed a slight glazed over, exhausted look on my face as I stumbled through the last four months of my life trying not to fall over in the middle of conversations. I've been working towards a new direction in that I really hope makes me a happier person, a better partner and eventually (I said EVENTUALLY PEOPLE!) a more available both furry and not furry children. In addition to working full time I've been getting certified to teach Pilates. And that, my friends, is why this blog has fallen slightly to the wayside.....well and because in addition to the working and Pilates (which occupies every night after work as well as my Saturdays and Sundays), we have this little thing called a wedding we've been trying to plan...gah! Not to mention Christmas!
So my point is that is that last night I took my final test and PASSED!! YAY!!

I still have a lot of practice teaching and observation hours to complete before I'll be fully certified to teach and it's not like my life is going to get any less busy anytime soon, but last night I passed the test that I've spent the last four months working towards and that feels so good. Merry Christmas to me!


I don't know why I had to add just made me laugh...

Friday, November 13, 2009

Grover On Marriage

Planning this wedding started off fun and exciting...but I admit.... I've hit a wall. I'm overwhelmed by the decisions and the seemingly vast number of tasks ahead of us and the very limited amount of free time we both have.  The problem is that there seems to be an endless to do list with each and every decision requiring careful thought, discussion, planning, meetings and hours of back and forth conversation. I find myself starting one task (DJs!), getting overwhelmed and moving on to a different one (HONEYMOON!) and then a different one (INVITATIONS!). It's easy to get lost in what it all means...and I'm trying to constantly remind myself that the important part is that we're getting married and that all the people we love most will be in one place cheering us on ( would it be tacky to give everyone foam #1 hands to sport during the ceremony?)...and that is awesome.

Well that sounds nice....I'll sign on for that!. :)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I feel bad...but not bad enough not to press "publish post".

Friends, Internets, Strangers....I'd like to tell you a story about my friend....hmmmm what shall we call him to maintain his anonymity....ah well...fuck's Linus. That's his real name. (Hi Linus!).

Just a few months after I moved to LA (six years ago) I got a panicked phone call from Linus telling me he needed me to take him to the hospital because he was REALLY sick. I immediately hopped in my car and rushed out to the west side not knowing the lay of the land or where ANY hospitals were. At the time Linus was attending a certain southern california film school (anonymity!) and was on a student health plan which required him to use a specific hospital. I asked him what hospital, but he didn't I tried calling his mother or sister...or the nurse associated with the school's health plan...all while driving around Los Angeles in the dark, a strange part of a new city while Linus moaned and whined in the passenger seat. Finally we decided to just go back to his apartment...where I made him some it fizzed Linus whined about why it was so bubbly and fizzy and how he couldn't drink it and how it tasted bad. I made him soup...and as he took a sip he gagged dramatically and spit it back in the bowl...I thought maybe he was about to yak....but no....the soup was just too hot. Poor little bunny.

It should known that Linus didn't have the bird flu (that was all the rage at the time) or an don't think me cruel...sure he was sick, but...well...c'mon. He was "man sick".

So...I came across this little gem of a clip on her entry about her husband's vasectomy. so funny.) and could not restrain myself from writing this post....sorry Linus....I told you! I COULDN'T resist. I tried...but I COULDN'T.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Giving the Platypus a run for it's money....

I swear to god this is a real animal.

Internet, this is the Mexican Neotenic Mole Salamander.
Mexican Neotenic Mole Salamander, this is the Internet.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dream Crusher.

Me: "I'm gonna be a lady bug for halloween...and wear a red tutu."
Chris: "Ladybugs don't have red tutus"

well. duh.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Coworkers say the darndest things.

Today is basically Friday for me....we leave for a wedding in Austin tomorrow at super early o'clock and won't be back til that's pretty cool. I love Austin. Last time I was in Austin we drank for free for hours because the bar was giving away free Coors Light. Gee! Thanks!!! I'll take two!

Anyhoodle....the point is...I've been a bit out of it lately what with all the busy-ness and lots of "to do" lists swirling around in my head for work, wedding and one might say I've been a little scatterbrained lately...or at least I feel like it.

(Get to the point, Jess.)


My normal morning routine consists of some basic makeup application. Nuthin fancy....some Bare Minerals foundation to even out my complexion, some eye shadow and some mascara to darken my blonde eye lashes....occasionally I forgo the mascara if I'm feeling lazy and only wear foundation. Despite me thinking I look like I'm 12 years old without eye makeup on I get the occasional compliment that I look "refreshed" or "fresh faced". Well gee. Thanks! Awesome! This morning, however, I forgot and unintentionally skipped my light spattering of powdered foundation and just put on a little bit of mascara and eyeshadow. Fantastic. Left the house feeling normal. 

This is going somewhere I swear....

I'd been at work for over an hour, having spoken to no one yet, when my producing partner walks in and starts telling me a I turn to face which point she stops mid sentence and, in horror, says "ohmygod! did you get a black eye??!?!?!?!!?" 

I'm so put off by her reaction that I get all self conscious and head straight to the bathroom thinking that I must have applied my gray/blue eyeshadow like a 3 year old and it's all over my face. But I look in the mirror and see... just my regular old face. Then i realize that what had her gasping in horror is MY FACE!!! MY REGULAR OLD FACE!!!  This is JUST HOW I LOOK!!!! I have my grandfather's dark undereye circles compounded with the fact that I didn't fall asleep til 3am this morning and forgot to put on makeup. 

So the point of this post is...I'm sorry Chris. I'm sorry that people think you beat me when I forget to put on makeup. When I asked you this morning if you'd still love me even if I was horribly ugly I didn't realize that you had already proved it by waking up to this face every morning. Here's to the next 80 years...


Friday, October 9, 2009

Let the countdown begin....

I swear I have a handful of unfinished posts sitting in draft form on the ol blogster that I have simply not had the energy to finish...but it's not that I haven't been thinking about blogging...things have just been too hectic. 

The unfortunate part of blogging in a public forum is that there are some things that I just don't feel right posting about...just in case the wrong person or people should stumble upon this humble bloggity. That said I've undertaken a project that has kept me busy 5-6 days/nights out of the week in addition to working full time and in addition to planning our wedding which now is 9/10 months away (depending on how you look at it... in my mind October is basically over...what? it's only the 9th? yea. it'll be over soon.). 

I seriously can't believe how it is sneaking up on us. We've been working on our save the dates for what seem like MONTHS now and are hopefully finally ready to get those printed and going. I love them. Like, hard. And I'm not just saying that because they are my brain child and not something generic we just bought off the internet, but that is part of it. :)

As of now I've been able to check off a few pretty big items off the to do lists. We've secured the location (which means that the caterer and booze situation is already taken c
are of) , deposits have been put down for our officiant and our photographer (the awesome and oh so talented Sarah Yates). ALSO....the dress. The dress has been chosen, ordered and partly paid for. Yay! After such an arduous search, I have some slight nerves that in six months I'll put on the dress and feel totally different about it...but I think that's probably normal so I'm going to squash those anxieties deep deep down and not think about that for another five the meantime every time I swoon over a dress online I have to tell myself that it costs a million dollars and would look horrible on me. That seems to be working so far.

Now all that stands in my way of checking off everything on my 12 months + list is Chris completing one task. (That's right mister. I called you out on the interwebs.) 

Oh lists. How I love you. Even if your only purpose is to be ignored.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You didn't ask...but I'll tell you.

Whoever said shopping for a wedding dress is fun clearly has never gone shopping with me. 

At this point I would have to say I've tried on about 70 dresses....At a recent appointment I asked the consultant how many dresses most girls try on. She said "maybe 10-15"...and my only response was "at a time?" I thought for sure she must be joking....10 dresses before you find THE dress? THE dress that makes you feel like the best version of yourself? THE dress that will knock your just about to be husband's socks off as you walk down the aisle? I asked Lil Meg over the weekend how many she tried on....6-10 she said. WHAAAAAAA????? There must be something wrong with me. I asked her this during one of the most frustrating shopping trips. 

Up until this point all the consultants had been completely over the top helpful...even if they were off base or misguided, but as we headed to one store I had the displeasure of being "helped" by someone who as I gave her a rundown of my likes and dislikes stared at me as though I had just told her that I would be wearing a white bikini, lucite platform heels and a boa constrictor down the aisle...and I wanted her help picking just the right boa constrictor to compliment the flashing lights in the heels. She could not have been more confused and after saying at least four times to both me, my family and other consultants "i'm stumped. i have no idea what to pull" ultimately an hour later basically just said. "ok. thanks. we're done. bye". I left feeling pretty frustrated. 

At this point.....where do we stand? Well I'm glad you asked....because while I've finally had some success.....I've now reached a stand still. Over the weekend I tried on three dresses that I love. But which one is the dress? do you know? People say you just know....but HOW do you know??????? What if there is another dress out there?....a better dress....THE dress. You go into these stores and try on dresses that don't fit....they roll the fabric up in the back with pins and clips and tell you "it'll look like this...this isn't the color it will'll fit here...we can have the seamstress do this and this and this....." and how do women make this decision????? While in one of the stores another girl who was trying on dresses mentioned she had tried on over 100 dresses....but ultimately we were there when she chose THE dress....she made a decision....and while that dress looked wonderful on her....i would have bet there were other dresses that looked amazing on her HOW!!!!! I am dying to just ask my bridesmaids and mom which one I should go for....but ultimately it's my decision and they are wonderful enough to hold there tongues about their preference until I ask....but maybe that's the test...maybe when someone says "i like THIS one better.....and my gut goes "noooo you should have said the OTHER one!"....then I'LL know which one I like......or maybe I just need to try on more dresses.....when does it stop???? 

NOTE: does this post make me seem neurotic and crazy? like maybe I'm over thinking this just a weeeee bit too much? does? well, yea....welcome to what chris gets to have for the next 80 years. tell him congratulations. :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

And then my head exploded. The end.


What a whirlwind this past month (has it been a month? longer? huh? where am I?) has been. LOTS going on and it makes it hard that some of it I'm not yet cleared to discuss on the very public forum of "internet" so whenever I've started writing a blog post and wanted to talk about all the cool opportunities and possibilities that are a-brewin I get stuck. Stuck because everything is so intertwined and to mention one thing leads to discussing all sorts of other things....

So let's stick to one topic we can all get behind....WEDDING PLANNING!

I never really realized just how sucked into the vortex of wedding gabledegook I would be....especially so early on. The even CRAZIER thing is how we're totally not even way ahead of schedule on things. Last weekend I went shopping for wedding dresses for the first time thinking "this is nuts! this is too early to be looking" only to find out it takes 6-8 MONTHS! (not weeks. MONTHS) to get the dress once you've picked it out. Sure you can do it later...but it'll cost you in rush fees to ship and then rush alterations and blah blah blah we'll charge you for anything cuz it's your one special day and we know you'll pay it!! hahaha!

I do have to say though it's all very fun and exiting and I'm really into the whole planning process...I just wish I had more TIME and didn't have this pesky JOB! that keeps getting in the way of all the fun things I want to do. I can totally see how wedding planning drives people crazy though....with all the details and the minutiae that can swallow you whole. As a "planning" type of person I find it fun. I spend every single day planning out elaborate shoots for a show I have no personal invested interest in...and with THIS  I get to plan something that actually matters to me quite a bit! Which is awesome! It's even better that Chris actually cares about the details and has opinions! and input!...sure it's hard to get him motivated after a long day to play ball this far out from the date, but he does care.

Me: "here! look at this officiant's website!" 
Chris: "mmmhmmm...i'm downloading the Beatles remastered!"

.....I swear I am marrying my father.

Yesterday I finally sent in our contract with our venue to lock this thing down! It's official. We're getting married. Location: √.

This weekend we'll be up north for a friend's wedding....I'll also be traipsing off to do some more dress shopping with my mom while in town. Squee!!!! I feel like a five year old playing dress up and it's AWESOME!

Next week we've got two meetings set up with photographers! Yay! This is something we're totally excited about (photography...not the actual meetings...the meetings will probably be kind of tedious). The photography of our wedding is one of my big priorities...and I think Chris' too...and I'm thrilled at the possibility of having some really cool stylized wedding photography to stare fondly at when I'm 80. :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Miss me?

So yes. I haven't posted in a while. Get off my back Internet!!! I'm only one person!

So I've been working on a post that is both comprehensive and full of pictures and videos condensing all the superawesomeamazingness that was our trip to St. Maarten, but have been not only super ultra busy, but also completely unmotivated and distracted. One of the reasons you fine followers of the Blogster haven't gotten a post recently is due, in part, to this. We've started watching Breaking Bad. We just can't stop. I sit with my laptop thinking "I'll multi-task. Yes. Let's watch an episode and I'll type away while keeping one eye on the tv and getting the gist of what's going on". And then....I can' glued....This show is really truly amazing and you must see it. I command you.'ll wait. 


No I won't. I don't have that kind of time.

So that's one excuse. And it's a damn good one if you ask me. We went to see The Hurt Locker this weekend and I'm pretty sure that part of the reason this movie didn't pull me in as much as it did others is because the intensity doesn't even compare to that of Breaking Bad. Dan says it gets even better in the second season and I honestly can't even imagine how.

Also. Go see Funny People. Now. I'll wait......

Friday, July 24, 2009

We've got worms!!!

Whew! Indy is alright. He's just got a little case of....put your sandwich down....TAPEWORMS!!! Yay! I'm not sure what I was preparing myself for but the tension that I felt leave my shoulders when Chris called and said the vet seemed unimpressed and just prescribed a shitload of medicine for little guy was immense. Turns out he could have had these little suckers living in his stomach for a very long time and only now showed symptoms...what timing he has! 

The other big news from this vet's visit is that Indy now weighs in at a whopping 96lbs!!! And that's WITH a gnarly case of mud butt. Good lordy! When we adopted Indy at 3 months old he weighed 25lbs and the rescue agency said he's end up somewhere in the 40-60lb range. That's our boy.....breaking the glass ceiling...with one whip of his 30lb tail.

Now.......we can relax knowing that Indy is in good hands and enjoy our trip to ST. MARTIN!!!!!!!!!!


A little rain cloud...

So....the day is finally here. We leave tonight for a full week of tropical weather and no work. I'm beyond of yesterday afternoon I, in front of coworkers, had a moment where I realized I would be on vacation laying on the beach without dealing with work for an entire 7 days and let out a giant SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE! 

But today I'm more worried than excited. Our poor Indy bones has had an upset stomach all week and I've been trying to soothe it by feeding him chicken and rice and some doggy kaopectate....but last night when I got home I noticed some....shall we say...."infested doggy byproduct" (yea...I went there) and am pretty sure my little pupcelot has some kind of parasite. Normally my control freak motherly instinct would do whatever it took to get him in to the vet right away no matter how late to work I was, but because I've got a ton to do at work so I can actually relax for a week away, Chris is planning on taking Indy to the vet at 4:00 today. We leave for the airport only 4.5 hours later...I'm not 100% sure of my own diagnosis since there's been, shall we say, some "other weird poo" (Yes. We're talking about dog poo today. Deal with it) and I'm just all sorts of worried. Normally I wouldn't stress about something like this, but the idea of our muttpuppy being sick while we're gone gives me anxiety. Thank god my friend Sam will be house/dog sitting for us while we're gone and I trust her completely to take care of Indy, but I can't help but kick myself for not taking him in to the vet earlier...just to be sure before we left. 

Well....keep your fingers crossed it's nothing a little medicine and head scratches can't fix.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Summer 2009

Ok....yes....yes...I've been absent....very absent....but with very good reason!!!

Now what was that reason.....

Yes! Busy!

We have been going NONSTOP since about the end of May and while I am totally exhausted it's all been such fun and good stuff that I wouldn't have traded any of it for extra sleep. I am, however, totally ready for our TRIP TO ST. MAARTEN!!!!


We attended my cousin Pete and his beautiful bride Grace's wedding in June. The ceremony was intimate and beautiful and the reception fun and relaxed. of the best weddings I've been to. Congrats you two! And don't think I wasn't getting ideas for our wedding! 

Seriously...look how happy they are!!!! It's just disgusting! 

The following weekend my parents came down south with my grandma and we took a little trip to the most place on earth! DISNEYLAND! I have to say this was probably one of the most enjoyable trips to Disneyland we've taken, partly due to Chris and my "just engaged" buttons that got us smiles and congratulations from all the Disney employees, but mostly due to the fact that my grandma agreed to use a wheelchair while traversing the park and we got to bypass a lot of the lines and move straight on up to the front! HELLS TO THE YEEEEA!!!  Check out these pictures in lieu of actual words!

The following two pictures are part of the reason I'm marrying chris. :)

I think we've found what we're wearing to the much for not seeing the bride all dressed up before the big day!
I also like this one cuz chris' hat is a hat wearing a hat.

We also spent a glorious three nights in Palm Springs for 4th of July at an amazing house we rented with some friends....I could post a lot of pictures from that weekend but the best way to encapsulate it is with the one photo below....
and to tell you that it was 110 degrees the entire weekend....and that because of a mixup with the pool instructions we ended up heating the pool to the same temperature as the spa...a balmy 103 degrees....turns out all we really needed was a garden hose and some sprinklers to run through...cuz those certainly did the trick.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Couldn't let today go by without saying....

There's lots to cover here....we've been insanely busy these last few weeks and my dance card has been full every single weekend since May and it's not looking open at all until...well....August, but it's all good fun stuff and I'm not complaining...

Where do I begin??

Oh yes! :)  Happy 30th Birthday to my one and only fiancĂ©. 

Today my favorite person in the entire world turns the big 3-0 and it sure does look good on him.
What? It's not cruel to post a photo of someone eating a banana just upon waking up after a night of it?

Anyway......we just got back from a great dinner at AOC Winebar, a place I've been wanting to check out for years, but haven't because....well.....because every time I have to think of somewhere to go eat I forget about the places I've been wanting to try for years. At this point in life though I've realized that one of my favorite things is to eat tapas and wine in good company and this place did not disappoint....neither did the company. It was fancy without being pretentious with good food (especially the cheese and wine) to back up the reputation. 

This weekend we've got a BBQ planned to celebrate Chris' birthday with friends and in just a couple weeks we'll be in St. Martin!!!!! So much excitement....but it's late and I'm suhleeeeepy..

More photos of our recent trip to Disneyland and Palm Springs coming soon!


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tuesday is the new Monday...

It's been a rough morning already. The come down from such a happy (three day) weekend of celebration is rough. Sunday was a day filled with celebrating the marriage of such a great couple (my cousin peter to grace) and our engagement and now I'm back to work. And it's underwhelming to say the least. 

At least I've got two four day weeks in a row....the longest four days weeks EVER!

In order to prevent this post up from being a massive downer I'd like to show you the following video.

On our way out of Sunnyvale we stopped to get Chris some new tires at Costco...while we waited we found a shady patch of grass and plopped ourselves and Indy down. There must have been an accident at the construction site in the Costco parking lot because there were fire trucks and ambulances that started filing in....and when Indy hears sirens........well, it's just adorable.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Hey...guess what?

So remember that hot date I mentioned? Well.....turns out it was the best hot date a girl could ask for....Couldn't have been more perfect....and couldn't have had a more perfect ending. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. 

We're engaged!!

I don't think I've ever been this happy.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

5 Years Ago Today.

5 years ago today Chris and I decided to stop fooling ourselves that we were just friends and made the whole dating thing official. I would have never imagined back in 2004 that we would end up owning a house and a dog together...really weird. It's been an amazing five years and and I'm excited for my hot date tonight! 
Indy's pretty happy we ended up together too. 
" I ruv my mommy and daddy"
- (Indy wrote that. His typing skill are impressive given the whole giant paws/tiny keyboard situation)

Monday, June 15, 2009

This has got to be some kind of joke....

Years ago I had a conversation with a friend about fashion and how trends are cyclical (I know, fascinating) and we wondered whether the 80's would come back. I assumed that like most fashion trends from by gone eras some of the key pieces that could blend easily into modern styles would make a come back, but truly dated things like giant hair sprayed bangs, heat sensitive shirts and MC Hammer pants would stay firmly where they belonged. I may have been wrong. This may only be true of Los Angeles where most people are fashion sheep, but I am consistently shocked and appalled at some of the things I've seen people wearing. 

On a related sidenote, I subscribe to the daily email "Daily Candy" which sends out emails regarding new restaurants, bars, stores and trends based on your location. I've found Daily Candy to be hit or miss in terms of my own personal style, but have discovered some of my favorite restaurants and bars through these emails and have gotten some great gift ideas from the style geared posts. 

Today, however, my faith in Daily Candy plummeted and I lost a lot of respect for the publishers when I was alerted to the existence of...the Cap Sac. 

The 80's... in all their neon fanny pack glory....are back.

And it's not pretty.

Let me break it down for's a shapeless nylon cap...with a zippered pouch....on your head. I swear to god if I see one asshole (like these assholes) in LA wearing this I'll smack it off his/her useless face and send them back to the midwest, where this monstrosity belongs. What's that you say? It's ironic? No. It's stupid and you look stupid in it.

Visit their website! It's here Go ahead. Give them hits! It's funny! But know that every time you buy one of these offensive pieces of crap, a puppy dies.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Daily Thought

Mixed CDs are like flowers. Everyone wants to get them, but if you have to ask for it it's not as fun to get.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Single girl behavior.

Chris is gone this weekend for a bachelor party and I've been left to my own devises. I'm not sure what I'll spend the weekend doing, but it's been made quite clear to me that my "to do" list better include cleaning my side of the closet and putting away the giant pile of clothes that has gathered on the ottoman in our bedroom. Some habits die hard. 

There are any number of things that I will do this weekend with my singledom. I think my list will include napping, singing loudly to either chick rock or country (or both) and getting a massage. Maybe even eating cereal for every meal. mmmm..... Number one on my list, though,  is sleeping in the middle of the bed. 

Listen to me...running on about all these plans. Aren't I ambitious. I think what is more likely to happen is a lot of watching episodes of Bridezillas or getting sucked into marathons of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Let's hope I'm more productive than that.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I have begun to molt.

The peeeeling.....ick.

I woke up yesterday morning and my shirt was stuck to my back. Literally, actually stuck. Chris spent 10 minutes slowly peeling my tank top off of the sunburn.....inch by inch. Apparently I had not let the aloe dry long enough before climbing into bed and sleeping firmly planted on my back all night long....

I suddenly had flashbacks to the time I locked my finger in my car door which rendered me sans nail and with a few stiches. The next day the gauze from the dressing had stuck to my fingernailless open exposed wound....and after hours of trying to remove the gauze at home the nurse at Urgent Care RIPPED it off....causing the wound to ooze and bleed while my mom resisted the urge to punch the nurse in the face and I let out a loud 'FUUUUUUUCK!!!"

This time was similar...except without the blood, oozing, open wound and visit to urgent care....but there was some cussing....and this time the nurse was hot.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I fought the lawn and the sun won.

Over the last couple months, as we've watched our backyard whither and die, I would stare out of our bedroom sliders or the kitchen window, shake my head and make comments about how we should really get to work on the backyard because pretty soon we'd have to accessorize with some beer cans and cigarette butts to accompany the dead grass, giant holes and empty flower beds.

It didn't really hit me until I realized that the state of our backyard was bothering me more than any other project in our house, that we really needed to get on that. We spent a big chunk of the weekend doing some hefty landscaping...which included complete removal of ferns from one of the flower beds (not and easy task I tell you), transplanting a 100lb (it took both of us to move it) Iris from a pot into the yard, planting some pretty flowers and bushes, reseeding and fertilizing the lawn and fencing off the whole darn thing so Indy could stay out of it.

Saturday we worked later in the afternoon as it cooled down and it was nice.....

Sunday I tried to get an early jump on I headed outside around 10am....wearing a long sleeve it got hotter i took off the long sleeve shirt.......not realizing all of a sudden it was 1:00 in the afternoon. 

You know how they say you should avoid the sun during the hours of 10:00am and 3:00pm because the sun's rays are the worst?

You should listen to them.
I should listen to them. 
If only there were some kind of creme or lotion I could have put on to prevent this whole thing....

($10 says I get a lot of lectures about skin cancer out of this post)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Did I mention we're going on vacation and that I haven't been on vacation in 10 years? No? Good. Let me tell you. Ad nauseam.

I don't have much to say here today....except that since posting about our upcoming vacation I can't stop thinking about it....I google pictures and am doing research every day. If I need a quick (errr...not so quick?) distraction at work I start doing research on renting cars on the island and electrical adapters and where to shop and what to bring and ooooh look at how white that sand and how blue that water is.....siiiiiiiigh. I need to stop. It's not healthy to be this excited almost 3 months out. I can't sustain this kind of interest....and if I can...if I only get more excited...well, I'll be no good for anyone. I'm afraid that as the weeks pass my only response to anyone trying to engage me in conversation will be "DIDITELLYOUWHEREI'MGOINGONVACATIONONMYGODI'MSOEXCITED!!". followed by my own googled pre vacation slide show full of pictures of beach umbrellas and white sand. And then my head will explode.

Maybe I should make out a list of possible conversation topics that do not completely surround the idea that in just 2(ish) months I'll be spending a full 7 nights on a tropical paradise surrounded only by the sound of waves and calypso music (note: calypso music not guaranteed). 

On another note that also involves complete distraction from work.....

If you feel like losing days of your life to the roller coaster of frustration and triumph that can only come from brain teasers, do yourself a favor and go here:

However, if you value your employment...and sanity...I recommend staying away. It will drive you crazy  while making you feel retarded and brilliant all at the same time. I'm currently on #32. 

Monday, May 4, 2009

11 Weeks and Counting

No...I'm not pregnant. 

But.... We did it. We finally did it. I almost don't even want to type it out lest it disappear in a whiff.....


So I'll whisper it.

We booked our flights and hotel for our vacation to St. Maarten!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO...I mean...whoooooo!



I am. Beyond. Excited.


We had to push the date by two weeks from my original week past Chris' original plan (we had apparently failed to communicate about dates) because the price of flights was better. All in all I think I found us a great deal and barring any kind of weather tragedy I think it's going to be AWWWWWESOOME!!! 

We've got 11 weeks before we leave. Which is a painfully long amount of time....but also long enough for me to find my sunglasses, buy a new bathing suit, and procure a fun floppy sun hat which I will wear while laying on a beach with a cocktail in one hand and a bottle of SPF 75 in the other (for Chris. He's gonna burn like a forgotten burger at a BBQ)...hehee....YAY!!

Wanna see where we're gonna stay? Wanna? Wanna? Okay! Stop hassling me! We're staying at The Grand Case Beach Club.

All the reviews we read said the same thing- that is was a quiet part of the island with not so crowded beaches and an easy walk to good restaurants. All of which sounds awesome to us. Not to mention we will be able to afford an ocean view...which I didn't realize made me so happy until I booked it.....ahhhh...I can hear the sound of the waves now....

I had a dream the other night that we were on vacation and I woke up happier than I had in YEARS.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

How I got the Swine Flu.

Chris and I took a little jaunt into a horrific obnoxious popular part of Santa Monica known as 3rd Street Promenade to go to West Elm to buy some curtains for the living room. We hit pay dirt, found exactly what we were looking for and were heading home for a delicious lunch of Bagel Bites and pasta salad when out of nowhere it happened. I heard it before I even felt it....but oh man did I feel it. A older shorter woman walked right up next to my arm....and f'ing coughed on me. She didn't just cough in the general area. She used my arm as though it were her own. I could feel the puff of hot H1N1 breath and I turned and saw her face just about an inch from my bicep. I was, with complete justification, horrified, disgusted and mostly pissed the fuck off. It was so blatant and out of line that it seemed intentional. A complete violation of not only my personal space but of social rules that say you just don't fucking cough ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!

No. She didn't apologize.
Yes. I yelled at her.
No. She didn't notice.
Yes. I came home and washed my hands, arm and sweater.
Yes. I believe I now have the Swine Flu.

I'll keep you all updated on my diagnosis.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

ooooohhhhhhhh errrrrrr mmmmrrrrrrr

Took my first Cardio Barre class tonight.....and yes...I'm having trouble bringing my arms up to the keyboard to type thank you for asking.

I work out regularly....but I don't push myself....I haven't worked out like this in a while and it's sad that there was a time in my life where I was dancing 5 days a week and this would have been nuthin. I would have finished class asking when the workout started. Sigh. Here's to getting back into shape. I'm hoping that maybe this can be my transition back into taking some dance classes.....

......maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's see if I can walk tomorrow. 

Monday, April 27, 2009

Daily Thoughts....

Why is Colonel pronouced Kernal? That makes no sense at all.

Who decided "grape" jelly was "the" jelly of PB & J. It was the only one on the table at brunch on Sunday and I find that to be outrageous. Any jelly is better than grape jelly. Blackberry jelly being the one jelly that will rule them all. And don't even get me started on jam......oh I love jam.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thank you for asking....let me tell you.

Recently I took a Facebook poll and submitted my list for the "Top Five People I Want to Punch in the Face"*

* Personally I would have liked to change the title of the poll to "Top 5 People I'd Like to Punch in the Throat"...mostly because that gagging sound when you pop a bitch in the larynx is so satisfying...also because that's funnier than just hitting some poor sap in the face.

The list was as follows:
1) Rush Limbaugh
2) Heidi and Spencer
3) Tracy Morgan
4) Every fucker** at Fox News
5) Your mom ***

** This wasn't the word used on Facebook. The real word my mother finds incredibly offensive (although I find pretty funny...maybe for that exact reason) and since she reads this blog I'll refrain from using it...out of respect for my mother.
*** Apparently I only have respect for my own mother...and none for yours. 

What's funny about this list is that a few of my friends questioned my inclusion of Tracy Morgan... maybe because they like him and find him funny....or maybe (and believe me this is a hypothetical) they are sheep and just accept what "the man" tells him is "comedy"...or "acting". I, for one, cannot stand this punk. He's blatantly not funny and an actively bad actor. I hate him mostly, though, because he is preventing me from watching what I believe is probably a very good show- 30 Rock. I say "probably" a good show because I've only been able to watch bits and pieces of scenes...until Tracy Morgan comes on screen and the rage that fills my body makes my blood boil and curdle. ooooooh Tracy I despise your 3rd grade Christmas play acting. GAH!!! I shake my fist at you!!! 

Even as I write this I can hear his halted though he's reading the script off of cue cards held behind Alec Baldwin's head...except that he may be functionally illiterate. I could go on and on, but now I'm getting upset. Just rest assured that if I ever encountered Tracy Morgan on the street I would most certainly say to him "you are a carbuncle on the ass of comedy and a very bad actor".  And then I would punch him in the throat.

Sometimes he's funny...

Last night.......

Chris: You know the funny bone is the body's most powerful erogenous zone.

Jess: That so?

Chris: Yes... Laughter is the best medicine.


Chris: Zombie laughter is the worst medicine.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Birds and Boats

I haven't had much luck in the blogging department over the last few days...sometimes it just seems like there's nothing interesting about the things I do on a daily basis. I'm sure you'd all be thrilled to hear more about how I pulled out the ferns that were taking over one of my flower beds and stealing all the water and sun from the beautiful calililys and gardenias. Shove off I told those ferns! Get back to your side of the bed! 

I know...reeeally interesting. I won't make you sit through that blog post...although it did occur to me to take pictures of the plants and create an entire series of Garden

I could also talk about how awesome Indy has been lately and what a great big cuddle bug he is and how I'm really hoping it wasn't just the heat or some weird illness that has been making him less crazy (although still working on that jail break) and more mellow.

Instead I'll show you a video I found on youtube maybe a year ago. I'm not even sure how I stumbled on this cover of "Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk since I wasn't familiar with the original...but I have to say...I like this version better. I've since done a lot of searches for other covers and I have to say all of them pale in comparison. There is something about the gentleness and vulnerability in this girls voice that I find beautiful.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Can you dig it?

When we first saw our house the backyard was lush and thriving. A backyard to be somewhat relatively proud of. Not without it's flaws (too much concrete and a bit "square" for my personal taste), but green and alive. With all the rain we got in Jan/Feb we had turned off our sprinklers and now that we've returned to normal dry southern california weather of course our sprinklers aren't working. Something has gone awry. So naturally our lawn has become a dust bowl. And what does Indy love to do but dig in dirt. He won't dig in the grass or where there are flowers...the little sucker has some respect for landscaping, but every evening when I get home from work there's more and more evidence of what he's been occupying his day with. 

This, my friends, is how my dog kills time...or shows us he's bored. If it's an escape attempt, it's a pretty bad one. 

"I'm digging to China!! Right after this nap......zzzzz...."
(shhh...he's not aware they eat dogs in parts of China.....I would tell him but he might have nightmares)

And look! On a completely unrelated note....we have our first two apricots growing on our apricot tree!!
It kinda looks like Indy's tiny little balls before we had them chopped off!
........what?.......... is that weird?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Dog Who Cried Poop.

I find that some people don't appreciate when I make comparisons between children (especially small babies) and dogs, but the similarities are striking, people. I have, on multiple occasions, mistaken a kid's toy for a dog toy and vice versa. It's just a lot of squeaky rubber and plastic. I once picked up a dirty stuffed toy off the ground and handed it to my cousin's child just as she said "that's a dog toy". In hindsight, it made sense...I wouldn't have given that thing to my child either, but who am I to judge other people's parenting.

Vintage Indy photo...but one of my favorites.

Indy is a smart dog...very smart....too smart. But he's limited to his good looks and sparkling personality because he's always going to be stunted at the developmental level of a 3 year old with a learning disability. That's the real difference between babies and dogs (ok. I know, there's other one has hair and the other doesn't...blah blah blah)- one has the capacity to continue to learn things like human language and emotional development. 

One of the many reasons I wish I could talk to Indy (other than asking him what is so damn tasty about my socks) is that I would like to read him the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I think it would benefit him tremendously and open up the lines of communication and understanding between the species. That way I could tell him that barking at the dog being pushed in a little red wagon is NOT the same as eating the face off of a hostile intruder and if he continues to growl when he sees a possum running across the back fence I'm going to ignore the time when our flat screen is being hauled out the door by meth heads in ski masks. 

That story would also get the message across that when we go on our walks he can't just stop and look at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes as if to say "mom. i'm seriously going to crap on the sidewalk if you don't stop" only to sniff the grass and claim that tree as his own.  

On our walk last night I tried to put my foot down and not let him stop every few houses, but far be it from me to keep a man from doing his business. (Sometimes I even bring a magazine in case he needs help)  So I stop, make him sit, then say "ok" and release him. Sometimes he even pretends to circle around finding the right spot or fake pops a squat... but then lowers his head to sniff or lifts his leg and declares that INDY WAS HERE. "Hurray! Squeaked one in past mom!" 

I'm telling you...this dog is not stupid..... Every night I grab a bedtime biscuit and open the back slider for Indy. I say "go outside and go potty". He knows he's supposed to go to the grass and pee before he can get his biscuit...but lately he's been bolting outside, barely touching the grass and then immediately turning tail (hehe) and making a bee line for the door like he's doing line drills.

"What's the problem now?"

And see! You didn't even have to wait until I had kids to get a blog post about poo. How awesome for you. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Jessica's Warning Of The Day

Whatever you NOT google "bunion" and then click on images.

Monday, April 6, 2009

This may not have been worth the build up....

So I'm a liar. I did NOT post before/after picts of the living room....but what do you want from me, really?

Oh.....just before/after pictures of the of the living room? Ok. Well now I feel bad.....

See the thing is...I've been REEEALLY busy. Work has sort of exploded into a series of "ohmygodhurryupyouvegotabunchofshootsfordifferentpeople!!" with a little bit of "heywhere'sthatthingIneedbutnevertoldyouIneeded?!" mixed in for good measure.

So let's recap shall we? Not this past weekend but the weekend before that we had a BBQ for my birthday! I had a great time since there's really nothing better than cooking up some burgers, drinking some beers, hanging out with friends all at your own place. You can walk around your own pantry...and best of all: NO DRIVING! So the party was a blast...there was even a candyless pinata!! (thanks dan!)

What do you mean this looks dangerous?
(You can see Dominique there saying "Here, Chris. Let me hold your beer. we don't want you to lose that when this goes terribly wrong...")

Anyway...the weekend before the party Chris and I commit ourselves to finishing...the living room. 

This is what the living room looked like before the previous owners even moved out.....the first impression is nice...the minty green color not my favorite, but it had a cozy feel to it. That's part of what attracted us to the house....

But then once we went back after they had moved everything out we got a really good look at how damaged the walls were and how dirty and unfortunate things looked...and man I couldn't stand that mint green. The baseboard was already pulling away from the wall and the rest of the moldings were caked with 64 years of paint and had been put up by someone with a loose interpretation of the word "craftsmanship".
So we got to work pulling off all the baseboards and window/door moldings, repaired walls, spackled for DAYS and ultimately primed and painted a much more pleasant shade of green. The pictures don't really do it justice (especially the color difference) come visit! I'll show you and we can have one of those long winded conversations about home improvement I'm sure my friends are tired of by now. 

So now I my promises are no good now...but I will TRY to get back on my posting track. Some exciting possible posts to come: 

1.) Hey! Check out our new drawer pulls!
2.) We finally got a lawn mower!
3.) Jess tries plant care one more time.

I know....hold on to your boots people...I've become officially a home owner!!! Just wait til I have kids! Just imagine how interesting this blog will become then! (future posts: 1.) poop, the good, the bad and the ugly)

Note: Home ownership was also marked by the recent stark realization that they don't send you a property tax bill when you buy a house...instead they send you a supplemental bill for the amount you'll owe NEXT year to the place you USED to live. Good thing I just happened to check the website and find out we owe $2100 on Friday. Oh California Government...with all your efficiency it's hard to believe you're're so silly....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Stop yelling at me!!! I know I promised before and after photos...and last night I did upload them to my computer and then decided I felt too sleepy to continue on with those shenanigans and demanded that Chris stop his tom foolering around on his computer and come to bed!! Ok...there was no demanding...he just finished what he was doing and I was really only uploading photos as a way to kill some time.

So I promise to the many adoring fans who have been flooding the comment box with demands for pictures of the BBQ and the house that I will post something tonight. For now I will leave you with something Linus sent me that I find so incredibly appropriate for how I feel every other Friday.

I doubt any of you can relate.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Serious case of the Mondays...

I'm fairly certain there is nothing worse than the looming dread of facing another work week that settles in on a Sunday night....except maybe a Monday morning where you went to bed at 1:30 and dreamt about how much you just don't think you can make it through another work week...and pores. I dreamt about pores too (sidenote:In my dream I was looking in the mirror and was like "whoa! My pores are huge!" And then jumped into them through the mirror. I'm fairly certain Biore Pore Strips have expanded their marketing to include subliminal dream implants).


We had a BBQ for my birthday on Saturday and while setting a date for a party can be great motivation to get some projects done on the's EXHAUSTING! We'd been working steadily (think 9 hours last Saturday, 8 hours on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights after work until midnight) in order to finish the living room before our BBQ this past Saturday and my only plan for Sunday was to do nothing. Well, not the only thing. My agenda looked like this:

-wake up
-eat breakfast
-do nothing
-eat lunch
-do nothing
-go to my birthday dinner with Chris

It was everything I hoped it could be and more. I can almost get a glimpse into the future of having no looming home improvement projects and being able to *gasp* relax! I'll have pictures of the living room and party picts probably tomorrow since my Sunday apparently didn't include "upload picts and blog". I know you're probably devastated. Try not to cry.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Where arrrrrrrrr you going with those diamonds??

I was recently approached by an up and coming comic book artist to document my after hours crime fighting adventures. Oh! You weren't aware I was a superhero? Oh yes. Sometimes I like to dress up....and fight crime as my alter ego:

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

My boss called this "not really working"...

As I drove in to work this morning all my usual street parking spots were taken up by film trucks and crew vans. I figured it was something being shot in our "studio", but the amount of people, equipment and organization made it obvious is was something else. Then we (I've been giving my friend a ride to work while he figures out funeral plans for his car) noticed a Dunder Mifflen sign. Hey! They're shooting and episode of The Office in the parking lot next door!
So I took some mildly stalker like photos from the window of our building...
See! This is the crew!

And look!

My very own Steve Carrell!

See! Can you see him?! He's that short dude in the middle wearing a black mismatched suit. Ok, so that could be any short dude in a mismatched suit....but I promise you, it's him. Damn you iphone and your lack of a camera with a zoom!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Maestro? The banjo please.

Our neighbor to the left has a perfectly manicured lawn. Our theory is that just before we moved in he must have completely reseeded his lawn, because there is an even layer of blemish free grass carpeting his front yard. It's a sight to behold, really, and I've started to feel incredibly guilty for our blatant neglect of our front yard. We've been so focused on working to improve the interior of our house that we just felt the front yard could wait. We don't even own a lawn mower yet, so we figured we'd just wait until there was an overgrowth of grass...turns out we'll be waiting a long time for the grass since there's none to speak of. In an effort to bring down property values throughout the entire neighborhood we've established a thriving weed population. I'm not sure if there is a tool known as a "weed mower" (weed whacker you say? Hmmmm) but if such a fancy tool exists we may need to purchase one.

"Legalize weed!", they say.

Just for an extra bit of mustard on the sandwich, the screen door we took down the day we moved in is still sitting happily on our front porch. Oh god. We're THOSE neighbors.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I've got a code in by dose.

Just as I was getting back into my running and working out routine last week... this week I feel like this:

Not that I'm wearing a suit and fancy hat....nor do I have a similarly dressed buddy sharing my congested pain sitting next to me at the moment(I'm hoping maybe later), but this was the best picture I could find to describe how I feel. I couldn't find a picture that encompassed the achy feeling, but I think we all understand. 

If I believed that taking a decongestant would do anything other than make me feel sleepy and/or wired at the same time I would haul ass to my local drug store. Instead I'll continue popping vitamin C and use my blog as a way to seek sympathy for my sucky cold that makes me not want to go running despite the consequences...which are that my dog will pace the living room all night making me feel guilty for neglecting his own exercise needs because "HELLO I'M TRAPPED IN THE HOUSE ALL DAY LONG BY MYSELF, MOMMY!" To which I will look at him and say "go do that crazy running around the tree and digging thing you do to release excess energy. You have my permission. Go dig". I'm an excellent mom....the prime example being when Indy was whining because Chris had left the room this morning to *gasp* take a shower and ohmygoddaddymightnotcomebackeverywherediddaddygomommyyouhavetogetupbecausedaddyleftus! this morning and I sat up and yelled "Indy! Shut the fuck up!".

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Why St. Patty's Day Can Suck It.

Shortly after we discovered I was allergic to artificial food coloring, I was in either Kindergarten or 1st grade and the teachers called us all in to the gym for a St. Patty's day party. As we walked in we saw a long fold out table set up with green decorations. At each place setting was a green sugar cookie with green icing and green sprinkles....And next to the plate?...A tall ice cold glass of green milk. Everyone took their place at the table and began to dive into their green treats. I...was handed a dixie cup (with cartoon characters on it) and pointed towards the water fountain.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The answer is.....(drumroll)

Alrighty....for all you those waiting with bated breath...wringing your hands in sweaty anticipation of the answer to the math problem.....

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Just kidding. It's 10,990.

Friday, March 13, 2009

You'd be surprised how many people don't get this...

So I guess I've lost a little bit of steam in the posting every day thing....I do apologize to my adoring fan. I guess there's just not much to say and I've been a little preoccupied with changes here at work and sorting out the dramatic lives of my friends. So I'll give you all a nice little game to play while I come up with something interesting to say. Sort of a "look at this shiny thing!" (*scurries away*)

Normally this little math problem comes with a spreadsheet that is password protected. The answer is the password. But that doesn't work very well on a blog so I'll just provide you with the answer later.

This is a 5th grade math problem. This is not a trick question. So the answer isn't "buses have no legs!" or "the front legs of a cats are called arms!".

There are 7 girls in a bus.
Each girl has 7 backpacks.
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats.
For every big cat there are 7 little cats.

Question: How many legs are there in the bus?

** The bus has no driver. (he jumped out just before the bus drove off a cliff. don't worry, the cats make it out just fine.)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Awkward Life Moment #16,278

When you enter into a single person public bathroom only to find it stinky as all hell. But you have no choice, so you use it. Then when you exit there's someone waiting to go in right after you...and you just KNOW they think you funked the place up.

Yea. That IS awkward. Glad that's never happened to me! work....where I see that person all the time.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Weekend Warriors

Work began this weekend on finally fixing up the living room. We had sort of burned ourselves out with the buying of a new house, moving in, fixing up the bedroom and bathroom and we had been using the last few weekends to entertain family and friends as well as just relax. 

But I put an end to all that relaxing by having a minor freakout that we were going to spend the rest of eternity with mint colored walls accented by spackled holes and baseboards that weren't actually attached to the walls and insisted we get to work. We didn't get anywhere close to being done, but we made significant progress and I think one more weekend of working and I'll be able to post some nice before/after photos. 

The upside is that this weekend gave me a good opportunity to work on my sanding skills.
Always wear your protective mask and safety sunglasses

Friday, March 6, 2009

Pop! Pop!

I don't have a terrible lot to report today...although I wanted to keep with my promise of posting every day. I came in to work today at 7am to make calls to South Africa and by 2:00 am hitting my 4pm slump. Ugh. Maybe it's time for a pop tart. Anyone that knows my slight obsession with high fiber foods will be able to understand how excited I was to find this!: 

They taste just like regular pop tarts but have less fat and more fiber! My coworkers brought in cheesecake for a birthday and I passed it up in favor of one of these suckers...which doesn't say a TON since I don't really care for cheesecake, but damn I do love brown sugar pop tarts.