Recently I took a Facebook poll and submitted my list for the "Top Five People I Want to Punch in the Face"*.
* Personally I would have liked to change the title of the poll to "Top 5 People I'd Like to Punch in the Throat"...mostly because that gagging sound when you pop a bitch in the larynx is so satisfying...also because that's funnier than just hitting some poor sap in the face.
The list was as follows:
1) Rush Limbaugh
2) Heidi and Spencer
3) Tracy Morgan
4) Every fucker** at Fox News
5) Your mom ***
** This wasn't the word used on Facebook. The real word my mother finds incredibly offensive (although I find pretty funny...maybe for that exact reason) and since she reads this blog I'll refrain from using it...out of respect for my mother.
*** Apparently I only have respect for my own mother...and none for yours.
What's funny about this list is that a few of my friends questioned my inclusion of Tracy Morgan... maybe because they like him and find him funny....or maybe (and believe me this is a hypothetical) they are sheep and just accept what "the man" tells him is "comedy"...or "acting". I, for one, cannot stand this punk. He's blatantly not funny and an actively bad actor. I hate him mostly, though, because he is preventing me from watching what I believe is probably a very good show- 30 Rock. I say "probably" a good show because I've only been able to watch bits and pieces of scenes...until Tracy Morgan comes on screen and the rage that fills my body makes my blood boil and curdle. ooooooh Tracy Morgan...how I despise your 3rd grade Christmas play acting. GAH!!! I shake my fist at you!!!
Even as I write this I can hear his halted delivery...as though he's reading the script off of cue cards held behind Alec Baldwin's head...except that he may be functionally illiterate. I could go on and on, but now I'm getting upset. Just rest assured that if I ever encountered Tracy Morgan on the street I would most certainly say to him "you are a carbuncle on the ass of comedy and a very bad actor". And then I would punch him in the throat.