Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Now listen to me complain...

"The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it."
Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)

I feel like amongst all the blogs I read there are themes that the author, whether intentional or not, seems to consistently return to and write about. For Midge it's family and how important they are and how much she misses them, for Dan it seems to be religion and politics, for my uncle Dave it's life's big questions and the constant quest to be a truly happy and good person. For me it seems that I can't get away from reflecting occassionally about how much it sucks to grow up.

There are definite advantages to not living at home and even being out of school. No one is telling you what time to be home or to do your chores and there's no homework waiting for you after working hard and going to class for an entire day.
The problem is that when you're on your own, even though no one is telling you to do your chores, you still have to f'ing DO them!! And while it's nice to not have to write a paper when I get home or read 100 pages of a conviluted text book, I have worked some 22 hour days for not enough money that really make me miss being in school. I feel like life has suddenly become a race just to keep up. As soon as I get organized I feel myself slipping under a pile of bills and paperwork for health insurance (the cost of which just went from $50/month to $160!!!. how can they DO THAT!?). It's a struggle to keep working as I see the money just DRAIN from my bank account and it seems that no matter how often I sweep and do laundry and the dishes I come home to a filthy house every night. I'm not even sure how people have kids. I can barely handle having a dog and sometimes the responsibilities that come with taking care of him makes me feel overwhelmed! Trying to tame a high energy puppy who hasn't been properly exercised because of the constant downpour is exhausting and it's all chris and I can do to stay awake through a movie on TV!

Now I know people say money won't buy you happiness, but I'm pretty sure that all my problems and stress would go away if I won the lotto. The people that say money is the root of all evil are people who are easily corrupted and lack a strong family and upbringing and are devoid of love and people who care about them (and probably have too much power to begin with). I have a wonderful family, an amazing boyfriend, loyal friends and a sweet puppy. All that's missing are some additional ZEROS to my bank balance. I know it's an ebb and flow and that right now things are tight but soon I'll be back in the green...er....red? ...no....i think it's black...whatever color means less stress and more dolla bills y'all, but I can't help worrying that it's always going to be like this.

I apologize for basically just using this blog as a soap box to vent my frustrations over my own personal situation. I know things could always be worse and that at I should be grateful for having the things I do, but hey, it's my blog. I'll do with it what I will. I should really leave some milk out for that stray cat...maybe that'll help my karma.


Meghan said...

dude. i so feel your pain! i'll make you a deal: if i win it big with the lotto, i'll pay all your bills! :) see? if we both play we have DOUBLE the chances of winning! its pure genius! muahahaha!

Dave said...

Be patient, Jess. Good things will come, including mas dinero. Before you know it, you'll be rolling in it...and be able to hire someone to write your blog FOR YOU!