I think even the few people that read this blog would never realize what an insecure people pleaser I can be (I can hear them scoffing now), but damn if wedding planning doesn't just bring that out in me... When it's just the two of us making decisions I get excited, it's easy (...ok...that might be a total lie...easier). But when you take the parts of the wedding that include our community...the community of friends and family that we so desperately want to include in our day...that's when things get stressful. I was discussing with a friend the other night about whether to have a socal bridal shower in addition to the one being thrown for me up north...and ended up saying (without even really thinking about this before I said it) that all I'm really worried about it that no one feels inconvenienced by our wedding. Gah! I, personally, have never ever felt inconvenienced or put out by a bridal shower, or bachelorette party or wedding...not even a little. I have felt excited and honored to be included....but when it comes to our wedding I just imagine everyone sitting around rolling their eyes and with big heavy sighs saying "another event surrounding their wedding??? geeeeeez....I'd rather be home mowing my lawn". Chris and I were talking last night about how we're wondering if our friends in LA are just seeing this as "the thing they are doing on their saturday night" because they'll just drive in....when it's such a HUGE day for us...such a huge happy day. Or I worry that out of town guests or bridal party members resent the money they will spend to fly in or go to events. All this insecurity and anxiety has left me with a knot in my stomach most days that's hard to shake and hard to explain. I know a lot of brides to be stress about what color linens or flowers to go with...and those choices are not at all what I find stressful about planning, but this stuff? GAH!! Maybe I'm just being crazy and overly sensitive...but I'm pretty sure I need to chill the eff out about it all.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Welcome to my neurosis. Grab a bean bag chair and a juice box...
I have about half a dozen unfinished drafts of posts that I just either haven't gotten around to posting or have thought better of posting due to writing while emotional or just plain venting and not wanting anyone to take my post too personally....This wedding planning bidness...it is CUHRAZY!