Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Welcome to my neurosis. Grab a bean bag chair and a juice box...

I have about half a dozen unfinished drafts of posts that I just either haven't gotten around to posting or have thought better of posting due to writing while emotional or just plain venting and not wanting anyone to take my post too personally....This wedding planning bidness...it is CUHRAZY!

I think even the few people that read this blog would never realize what an insecure people pleaser I can be (I can hear them scoffing now), but damn if wedding planning doesn't just bring that out in me... When it's just the two of us making decisions I get excited, it's easy (...ok...that might be a total lie...easier). But when you take the parts of the wedding that include our community...the community of friends and family that we so desperately want to include in our day...that's when things get stressful. I was discussing with a friend the other night about whether to have a socal bridal shower in addition to the one being thrown for me up north...and ended up saying (without even really thinking about this before I said it) that all I'm really worried about it that no one feels inconvenienced by our wedding. Gah! I, personally, have never ever felt inconvenienced or put out by a bridal shower, or bachelorette party or wedding...not even a little. I have felt excited and honored to be included....but when it comes to our wedding I just imagine everyone sitting around rolling their eyes and with big heavy sighs saying "another event surrounding their wedding??? geeeeeez....I'd rather be home mowing my lawn". Chris and I were talking last night about how we're wondering if our friends in LA are just seeing this as "the thing they are doing on their saturday night" because they'll just drive in....when it's such a HUGE day for us...such a huge happy day. Or I worry that out of town guests or bridal party members resent the money they will spend to fly in or go to events. All this insecurity and anxiety has left me with a knot in my stomach most days that's hard to shake and hard to explain. I know a lot of brides to be stress about what color linens or flowers to go with...and those choices are not at all what I find stressful about planning, but this stuff? GAH!! Maybe I'm just being crazy and overly sensitive...but I'm pretty sure I need to chill the eff out about it all.

6 comments:

TLee said...

yep, you are INSANE. stop worrying your gorgeous little head - everyone is honored and thrilled and over the moon excited about sharing your special day with you! n, o, & i CANNOT WAIT!

xoxox
t

Meghan said...

i second tracy!

all of your friends and family are beyond THRILLED for you and chris and i, for one, am so excited about every little email, phone call, event, etc. that you would think I was the one getting married! :) and not ONCE have i had a negative thought about money. just put that out of your head. you've been so incredibly thoughtful and considerate of others, its time to focus on YOU (and chris) and making your wedding what YOU (and chris) want it to be.

love you!!

Musing on the Mayem said...

Jess...this is Jackie...I just want you to know how honored we are that we have been invited to share this special and happy day with you and Chris. We are beyond excited! And, no, even though I don't mind mowing our lawn I really would rather be at your wedding! You are going to be such a beautiful bride and I cannot wait for this great day to get here! I think that I can speak for ALL family members that have been invited to your wedding and "inconvenienced" would NEVER cross anyone's mind. "Over the moon excited" is more like it! Put these thoughts out of your head, Sweet Jess, your "huge happy day" is almost here and a ton of people who love you and Chris will be there to celebrate with you!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dave said...

Yeah, Jess, you need to "chill the eff out." Your wedding is going to be one of three amazing events in our lives--all taking place in one summer: Sean's graduation from high school, Dave's commencement from law school...and YOUR WEDDING. Chill, goddaughter 'cause we can't wait! xoxoxo

Megan said...

Ditto to all of these comments! I am speaking for all involved when I say that it is such an honor to be a part of your and Chris's day - you're only doing it once, and that makes it all the more exciting. We are so excited for your amazing day, the trip, the events leading up to it...love you so much!! xoxo

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