SHOW US YOU'RE NUTS!

It's that time of year again folks...ok...so we do this every season...but it's still fun!! IT'S KICKBALL!!!!

Summer is the best time for kickball...I know what you're thinking...any time is a good time for  kickball...and you would be correct sir, but the warm nights make for less pulled muscles and more refreshing post game beers! This past Monday kicked off the Season 5 Summer 2008 kickball chaos. This season our theme is Nuts and Honeys: Prison Love. Big props to Sam for coming up with the theme as well as the idea for our striped prison pants and the awesome felt prison bars that go up around the dugout. Check it out:

Just a little bbq and lot of strips of felt...that's all. 

Very important top secret construction meeting.

The result. After lots and lots of hot gluing. That's a jail I would be proud to break out of!

She's in for aggravated assault. 25 to life.

First game of the season against Redrum. Tied 2-2.

These are the Nuts & Honeys. 

Don't drop the soap.

Because I share good things...

Peanut Butter: *tap tap*

Jess: *turns around*  "Oh! Hi."

Peanut Butter: *shuffles feet* *looks down* "Ummm...hi."

Jess: "How've you been?"

Peanut Butter: "Ok. I'm doing well. Gettin by, you know....."

Jess: "Yea."

(pause)

Peanut Butter: "Haven't seen you around too much...."

Jess: "Yea....I've actually.....(pause)....I've been seeing someone new."

Peanut Butter: "oh! oh really!oh! well that's really great! Congratulations!"

Jess: "Yea...things are going really well....you should meet him sometime...I mean...unless you don't want to"

Peanut Butter: "No no! uuuhh.....yea....uhh....sure....we could do that. What's his name?"

Jess: "PB2".

Peanut Butter: "ouch".

Jess: "I know. I'm sorry.........(pause).....this is kinda weird...I think I should go."

Peanut Butter: *sniff* "Yea...me too...I....have to....y'know...be somewhere."

Jess: "Ok. Maybe I'll see you soon?"

Peanut Butter: "I don't know....maybe".

Powdered peanut butter, my friends. The oil is squeezed out of roasted peanuts and what you're left with is the nutty powder that smells...well...slightly nutty. Just add water and you've got yourself low fat peanut butter!!! The flavor is not as intense, but it is a really great substitute and I have to send a big shout out to Sam for turning me on to this. I do, also have to admit that I mix in a teensy bit of crunchy real peanut butter for a more solid PB & J. I just ate some on an organic brown rice cake. Take your judgement somewhere else. I heart my food. 

Next time I'll tell you about the Organic Nitrate Free Grass Fed Beef Hot Dogs I discovered. Oh sweet baby jesus in a onesie they're the best tasting hot dogs ever. Tastes like real meat! That wasn't abused! Happy cows = tasty BBQ!

Links you must know about:

http://www.bellplantation.com
http://www.applegatefarms.com

Why it's important to think before you speak...

Me (to Indy): Stop being an asshole.

Chris (in Indy's voice): You're the one with the asshole.

Me (to Indy): That's right. We both have assholes. Yours is under your tail. Mine is brown.....and has fur. (pause.....pause).....That didn't come out right. 

See...cuz Indy is BROWN! And he HAS FUR!!! Siiiigh....it made sense in my head.

Weekend In Review

Pop Quiz

This weekend I:

a.) yelled at a small child
b.) showed up dramatically overdressed to a party

Answer:
c.) both a & b
(did I not mention that was an option?)


In August I will be attending my friend Amy's wedding and while I'm not in the wedding party I have been asked (along with 5 other high school friends) to wear any shade of green. I've had a hell of time finding a green dress that won't set me back the GDP of a small country so at the suggestion of my good friend Samantha Kraft we headed downtown bright and early (ok, it was 11:00) to check out the array of bridesmaid dress/quinceanera shops in the fashion district. When we arrived the streets were already overflowing with bargain hunters and it was beginning to get hot. The bacon wrapped hot dog carts had been pulled out and the streets smelled like grease and garbage. After over two hours of disappointment (and after Sam stepped in a wet pile of trash) we decided it was time to go and started walking towards the car. A young girl (maybe 7 years old, give or take) walked toward me and as she finished eating whatever deep fried lunch item she had in her hand I watched as she took the many layers of paper and leftover food, crumbled it into a ball and tossed it into the gutter of the street. Not 10 feet from a trashcan. She was looking at me the whole time. I didn't even think and said sternly, "Pick it up!". She didn't. To which I responded, "You little brat!". I said it loud. I was livid. Aside from the time I saw someone throw a beer can out of their window at a freeway offramp I have never really witnessed this kind of blatant littering. I like to assume that the massive amounts of trash that collect on freeway shoulders and city gutters ends up their accidentally. That no one would INTENTIONALLY toss their garbage anywhere but the proper trash receptacle. I guess I was wrong. It's even more disheartening that it's a kid. A stupid little shit kid. This world is not only being destroyed by wealthy money hungry oil men who want to destroy the only remaining undeveloped wilderness this world has with drills, but also by little kids whose ignorant parents don't care enough to teach her anything about respect. God, it's depressing when I start thinking about it. This is why I hate downtown LA. It's dirty, smelly and chaulk full of people who are just trying to get through the day and not thinking about a world outside their own. So we headed back to the valley where it was even hotter, and had lunch with Chris. It was nice. I had the hawaiian chicken sandwich. I'm on a pineapple kick right now. But I digress.

That night we had dinner with friends and saw Dark Knight at an IMAX theater. It was everything I hoped it would be. Anyone that says Heath Ledger is only being talked about for an Oscar nod because he's no longer with us can suck an egg. He's brilliant in this movie and it is a damn shame this was his last performance. 

After the movie (yes, it was a late night for us) we headed home to change for Karen's birthday extravaganza. As Karen is want to do she gave the party a theme. This time it was "you'll never wear that in this town again". Each guest was supposed to show up in something that they'll never wear again. Karen wore a bridesmaid's dress, Chris wore leather pants (awesome), Mike wore his 'house shirt' that his girlfriend won't let him wear in public and I wore my glittery gold full length gown that I bought for a fraternity formal in college. I love this dress. It's so outdated and amazingly gaudy and despite leaving the house feeling incredibly insecure as to whether anyone else at the party would be dressed up, I rocked my glitter dress. Before we left I texted Karen, "am I going to feel silly if I wear this dress?". Her response, "no. we need more people like you". That should have tipped me off. I showed up to what was basically a backyard party full of people in jeans and t shirts. I immediately felt awkward...so I poured myself a drink. There I stood in the backyard of someone's house in a full length formal gown surrounded by folks in jeans and t shirts, holding my red party cup. At some point I just gave in to the fact that while I felt out of place, wearing a full length gold dress covered in glitter to a party is a fantastic conversation piece. I felt less awkward...partly due to vodka soaked watermelon (mmmm) and partly due to the fact that multiple girls came up to me at some point and said, " I totally have that dress in (fill in color)!!! I wore it to my Senior prom!". Awesome. I like to think that I made everyone else feel underdressed.

Happy Birthday Honey Apple!

OH! You wanted to see the full length dress? Well allow me to present you with what I look like when I'm not ready for a photo. Enjoy.

I might regret this in the morning...

Wow. Ok. So I'm a little afraid to put this out there for all of the internets to see...but I have a confession to make and I have a feeling I won't be alone...so I'm just going to go ahead and say it.......

I think I have a tiny little baby crush on Josh Groban.

*cringe*

Are you done judging me yet?

I know. You all thought I was so cool, what with my deep love for Peter Cetera and all, but I think you're going to have to agree with me on a couple things. And then you might disagree with me on a few others.

First of all. Regardless of your taste in music you have to admit that damn that boy has an amazing voice. Adult contemporary pop is not exactly my kind of thing but I could listen to that kid's velvety smooth crooning for more than just one song...I think.

Second of all his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel's "I'm F***ing Ben Affleck" revenge video (in response to Sarah Silverman's "I"m F***ing Matt Damon" video for those of you who live under a rock) was genius and wins him major cool points in my book for not taking himself so seriously.



So I happen to stumble across his video for "You Raise Me Up" (I refuse to talk about exactly how I "stumbled" across it) and figured that while I worked I would listen to the song...but I totally got sucked in to this video for the following reasons:

1.) Turns out Josh Groban is hot. Like a goofier Christian Bale if you will. I almost think his toddler boy locks work for him.
2.) Um, hello? Gospel choir backup? Works like a charm every time!
3.) The struggling ballerina finally mastering the lift! What an inspiration! Get it? YOU LIFT ME UP! It's both literal and metaphorical!

Here's the video for you ladies to drool over...er...watch.



(I know...I'm confused why he's sleeping on that couch too! But doesn't he look cuddly in his hooded sweatshirt?!)

I churrdon't want those churros.

Here you go....check out the reviews for Xooro (see previous post). http://www.yelp.com/biz/xooro-santa-monica

I guess there's still a market for "Churronimo!". Now don't any of you go stealing my idea. Especially the name...the name is the best part.

Sometimes it's just so hard...

I haven't uploaded any of the three pictures I took from our weekend getaway to San Diego just yet...so I'll hold off on blogging about how awesome it was for the time being.....instead I'd like to share a conversation I just had with my friend Sam over IM. 

My brother Dan posted on his blog a conversation with Linus and tried to get us all to see how frustrating a conversation with Linus can be, but after reading that conversation I just saw how frustrating talking to either Dan or Linus is. So now I will top his post...and show you fine people what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

JESS: mmm menchies

SAM: mun chi chis?

JESS: menchies. have you never gone to menchies?
SAM: no

JESS: well my dear

SAM: what is this you speak of?

JESS: http://www.menchiesyogurt.com/
it's frozen yogurt
and they have 10 rotating flavors and it's self serve
and so you get your yogurt
and you choose your toppings and do it all yourself
then you pay by the weight
pretty great

SAM: what is it with you and rotating foods?

JESS: what do you mean?
i like other rotating foods?

SAM: http://www.xooro.com/
clikc on products then fritters


JESS: oh no. i know. i posted that
but i'm talking about the flavors are constantly changing!

SAM: watch the fritter rotate

JESS: iknow!
haha

SAM: what?
constantly changing?

JESS: menchies. rotating flavors. as in...they are constantly changing the flavors
are you high?
you're high aren't you?

SAM: hahaha
no

JESS: i don't believe you

SAM: i still don't get it

JESS: what don't you get?

SAM: why would they do that?

JESS: so you have variety
of frozen yogurt flavors

SAM: ahhh
i was thinking it was this machine

JESS: oh sweet jesus sam
hahaha

SAM: that rotated flavors or something
and then you said you could pick

JESS: hahahahaha
haa
oh man
i'm crying

SAM: but i was confused as to how if all the flovors were changing
hahaha
ahhhh
good times

JESS: too good
tooo good

SAM: i will be visiting there soon
it is almost a full moon and i gather i will want something sweet

Churrofftoagoodstart.

Back in May, during our annual pilgrimage to Disneyland in honor of Mother's Day, my family and I were standing in a two hour line for the "Finding Nemo" ride (overrated. bring back the yellow submarine!) and having a discussion about the vast superiority of Brazilian churros over the americanized version they sell at amusement parks. Now, while it's hard to go wrong with fried dough covered in cinnamon sugar, Brazilian churros take the entire category up a few notches by taking the empty center hole and filling it with....wait for it...condensed milk custardy goodness. 

I think I just drooled on my keyboard. 

So while waiting in line we were talking about our new family business venture of gourmet varieties of churros. The American public would go CRAZY for these things. All different flavors! Sweet! Savory! Delivery! Churros at your doorstep!!! GENIUS!!!!! I even came up with the brilliant name for the family business. Are you ready? You might not be ready. It's pretty awesome. "Churronimo!" Say it out loud. I just blew your mind, huh? Now...it's not like I've been working late on a business plan and I'm not necessarily accusing Disney of planting spies within their lines. Ok. Yes I am. That whole place is bugged, man. Seriously. I open my Daily Candy email this morning to find.....this:  

www.xooro.com. I'm not sure if I'm going to sue or not, but I might write a strongly worded letter to Disney. That letter may or may not be covered in cinnamon sugar, custard and chocolate icing.....drooooool.

Hello. My name is Jessica and I have a drinking problem.

So...it's 5:09pm....and I'm work avoiding by checking what I could redeem my 20,000+ american express rewards points that it has taken faaar too long for me to accrue despite overspending consistently...and I go to take a sip of water from the cup that's sitting by my computer...."mmm this is going to be refreshing", I think....just as I proceed to pour the rest of the glass down my shirt....not just on my shirt. IN/DOWN my shirt. Not a drop made it into my mouth. 

Awesome. 

Daily Thought... Chiropractors

I keep waffling back and forth as to whether I feel better or worse after visiting the chiropractor. Yesterday was my fourth visit out of the six that are approved by my insurance. I pretty seriously tweaked my neck while in Kansas City over this fourth of July weekend (pictures and stories to come once I steal them from Chris..the pictures..not the stories...those will be mine) and am starting to feel that I've had more aches and pains since my first visit almost 4 weeks ago than I did before going...coincidence? or is my body really just fighting the adjustments. Hmmm.....

That's my problem too!

Daily Thought....must think of new title for daily thought posts....this is getting redundant already.

Trader Joe's non fat Greek style blueberry yogurt with sliced up bananas is everything I hoped it would be and more. It is the bright shiny beacon of happiness in an otherwise completely mind numbing day.