Monday, September 10, 2007

Britney Spears Brings Me Joy...for once.

First of all....what is up with Weekends....seriously. Why is it that Monday-Friday at 7/7:30am I cannot seem to DRAG my butt out of bed...and could sleep for HOURS AND HOURS...and so could the dog! Yet come Saturday and Sunday morning, Indy is whining at 6:30 and I can't seem to sleep anymore!! What is up with that!??! Can't a girl sleep in??? I mean...for realzies.

Now...onto the more important stuff.

Let me preface this next stream of consciousness blurb by saying...I do not buy into celebrity gossip. I do not regularly troll sites like or (although I have recently discovered genius.). I have never bought a copy of People, US Weekly, or any other celebrity tabloid (although I will peruse them at the dentist office). I do not talk about celebrities as though I know them or discuss who is dating who and who divorced who as though these people matter to me know...the world.

Now, that said, let's discuss the awesome genius that is Britney Spears and why the fact that her heroically bad VMA performance brings me so much joy.

I'm not sure what it is about Ms. Spears that makes me despise her so much. It could be that she is a no-talent ass hat that has led a charmed life of fame and success despite everyone (even her fans) admitting that she is just a performing monkey. Or maybe it's that no matter how awful her performances are night after night and year after year she continues to have in...people who will pay ridiculous amounts of money to watch her LIP SYNCH for 15 minutes in a slutty outfit. It could be that she is straight up trailer park trash and the worst excuse for a mother EVER (asking her kids to fetch her cigarettes or "Mamma's Lollipops" as she calls them). You know it's bad when you can make Kevin Federline look like father of the year. Whatever it is, the very sight of her performing makes me want to light myself on fire and jump off a tall building. I admit that she had some catchy singles back in the day. Songs that, when you find yourself in a club after a couple rum and diet cokes, make you want to shake what your mommma gave you, but that's not hard to do- just ask Justin Timberlake or Beyonce. All this hoopla about her big "comeback" at the VMAs was making me sick to my stomach and to hear this morning that she royally and most excellently F-ed it up BIG TIME brings a silly wave of giddiness over me. I actually trolled the internet this morning digging up dirt about her VMA performance last night. The best commentary was from

"I think maybe people are being a little too harsh. They say her performance was stiff, but in her defense, she's a tubby piece of shit. Let's see you eat two dozen doughnuts and then dance around. That's what I thought. They say she was lip synching, but if her mic was on, all you would have heard was her gasping for air and clutching her heart, so I think this was much better. Speaking of things you hear, here's my impression of those dudes whose arms she fell into, "oh jesus christ, my knees are about to explode!"

I'm sorry, but that's funny.

And while I'm on my rant about prissy pop princesses....let me share with you part of an interview with Avril Lavigne-someone who actually has talent and looks, but ruins it with arrogance and comments like the following:

"I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!' I also like to give stuff to people who are my 'workers,' especially if they don't make much money."

"People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."

Um......ok....where to start. We'll just side step the part where she dismisses a massive national tragedy as "the hurricane thing" and move on to my favorite part where she likes to give stuff to her workers cuz they don't make that much. Or you could just pay them more. Cheap spoiled brat. I can guarantee you that my "workers" will make plenty of money and won't need me to "give them stuff" when I'm rich and famous. You have that in writing.

Ok. I think I might be done for the day. I can only handle so much celebritivity (that's negativity and celebrity combined) in one day.


Megan said...

LMAO!!! This is the best post EVER. You are hilarious - and I couldn't agree more, except I do indulge in the trashy magazine thing because, well, that's how I roll. Also, I Ti-Vo'd the VMA's, and tonight laughed what MY momma gave me right OFF watching Britney stand there awkwardly on stage and jiggle her hips as though it was the first time she'd ever been in front of a crowd.

Love you!

Dustin said...

I would like to be one of your workers when you are rich and famous. You have that in writing.

Daniel Lee said...

omg your gay lol